Photo assignment: Self Portrait (I know it looks like I'm 40...just say it, I'm not a spring chicken anymore :)
I think I'm having a m i d life crisis at 31 (thanks to those of you who listened to my ramblings today...you know who you are)!
I think having my husband gone so much lately has really made me do some soul searching, or maybe having my baby leave me and go to kindergarten...whatever the reason, it is good to step back and re-evaluate.
I want to be my own person (yes the wife and mother, but not only the wife and mother)
I want more babies but what do I do about it (if anyone knows where I can pick up some serious money for adoption let me know) I feel like I need to either accept that it is what it is...or do something about it
I want to be educated and have talents galore...but I'm not and I don't, but someday I might
I want to set goals and achieve them...I want to control my life (at least a little) and not let life control me
I want to do what my Father in Heaven wants me to do, but am I doing what I can to be worthy of His guidance and inspiration in my life
I don't want to get so focused on myself and things of little significance that I waste my time away and loose sight of the precious blessings I have been given
How do I find balance in all things and make a difference in this world
I sorta' feel like I'm on 'American Idol' and Simon just told me I was very forgettable...not horrible, not great, somewhere in the middle. I want to be better than I am right now!
I think having my husband gone so much lately has really made me do some soul searching, or maybe having my baby leave me and go to kindergarten...whatever the reason, it is good to step back and re-evaluate.
I want to be my own person (yes the wife and mother, but not only the wife and mother)
I want more babies but what do I do about it (if anyone knows where I can pick up some serious money for adoption let me know) I feel like I need to either accept that it is what it is...or do something about it
I want to be educated and have talents galore...but I'm not and I don't, but someday I might
I want to set goals and achieve them...I want to control my life (at least a little) and not let life control me
I want to do what my Father in Heaven wants me to do, but am I doing what I can to be worthy of His guidance and inspiration in my life
I don't want to get so focused on myself and things of little significance that I waste my time away and loose sight of the precious blessings I have been given
How do I find balance in all things and make a difference in this world
I sorta' feel like I'm on 'American Idol' and Simon just told me I was very forgettable...not horrible, not great, somewhere in the middle. I want to be better than I am right now!
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14 comments:
First of all you are already all of those things. You are a way better person and mother than I could ever be. Second how about adopting through foster care its free=)If it helps I feel like im having a mid life crisis at 30. (maybe it has something to do with being uprooted) By the way will you be home not this weekend but next. Me and the kids are thinking about taking a trip down to a warmer climate=)
Ok - you are totally amazing and have talents galore! I know it doesn't mean much coming from someone besides yourself because you have to believe it. But we all KNOW it! I'm sending you hugs cause I think you are awesome!
K seriously Carrie!! You are an amazing person! YOu have no idea all the people who took from your example and tried to live better lives because of it. You have many talents some of which are being an amazing mother, being so kind to EVERYONE, piano, photography, teaching (yes you are talented in front of a crowd at least I enjoyed everyone time I heard you speak or teach), and many many many more! I seriously watched you with your girls and swore I wanted to be a mother like you and then I did become a mom and decided you make it look easier than it is =). And with adoption I say just put your papers in!!!!!!! you never know what the Lord has in store for you and with the money right now they take your annual income and you pay 10%. Is Dan actually making any money right now or are you in the inbetween. Because if he's not actually bringing home a paycheck then it might be cheaper than you thought =). (by the way I got your message this morning and called Maren, but too late, she already had it taken care of, but I was ready to save the day!)
You are such an amazing person, you are an amazing friend and I feel very thankful every single day that you are in my life. You are a great example to me and I love you.
I think all of these feelings are steming from having the opportunity to start new (kind of). I think in our lives we get stuck in a routine and when its not a really bad routine we are fine to just stay there. We both have moved and things have changed, now it's time for change within ourselves (do you like how I've dragged myself into this?)I think we now need to get ourselves out of this funk. Let's do something about it. I'll run with you, I'll take a class with you, I'll go climb the mountains with you and I'll even go get a cupcake with you, I am up for anything. You can count on me.
I love you!!
Carrie--
You are in good shape-- i feel like I am having a quarter life crisis at 23. The cheapest way to do the adoption thing is either through LDS Family Services (it is about $4000 total for the process) or through foster care. They actually pay you to do that. and when you are ready to adopt you just need to pay for legal fees. Im right there with you on this part of the 'crisis'-
I think you are a great person. Hang in there and remember that you can have or do anything you want. You just have to believe it.
I think we must be on the same brain wave. You wrote down just about everything I've been feeling lately too! Maybe we get these nudges every once in a while so we keep on progressing...still isn't very fun though!
I agree with everything everyone has said about you. You are amazing and I'm proud to call you my friend!
I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. Beleive me that you are closer to your goals than you give yourself credit for. It takes alot out of you when you are a single parent most of the time. Beleive me I know. I spent three months alone while trying to sell a house. Jason got to live with my parents, why did he get all the support, all I had were three very little kids? I was beginning to think that Heavenly Father was out to get me. It's hard think that good will come out of it when you are the one experiencing it and it seems to go on and on. You are an amazing mom and if you feel good about adopting then get those papers in. Maybe you are having a hard time getting pregnant because there is another baby that was meant to be a part of your family. I truly believe that happens all the time. I've seen it in so many of my friends and families lives. There is an amazing article in one of the ensigns of a women who adopted before having her own. I'm sure you could find it online. Sorry, I hope I'm not to preachy. I just wish you the best.
P.S. You do not look old, you are totally gorgeous and always will be. I wish I looked as good as you!
Ditto to everything above! You are feeling poopy because you have just been ripped out of your cozy little bed and into a strange land. We love you and don't worry, something will happen when the time is right.
Thank you for that. You have know idea how great you really are. xo.
Seriously I don't know what else to say other than I worship you...oh and I have a 2 year old I could send out to you for a year or two?!
Ditto to all the good things the others said. I'm not going to take time to respond to all of those who said they feel the same way so I hope they read this even though I know they probably won't. Take it from someone who is older...there is no such thing as balance in all things. When someone says they want balance they usually mean they want to do ALL the fun, more temporal things and ALL the things they are supposed to do too. That's not what life is about. The hardest part of the test of mortal life is choosing and setting priorities. Life isn't a question of balance it is a question of priorities. I've learned that order and balance need to be one of my priorities, but there really is no such thing as balance in all things. "To Every Thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Note that the scripture says "Every Thing" not "Everything". There is not time for "everything" but there is a time and season for every thing that is a purpose under heaven. And for some things there isn't a time because they aren't a purpose under heaven. This is sounding preachy and I don't mean to be that way. It is generally through little things that we make a difference in this world. Little things mean a lot! Carrie, don't sell yourself short. You do make a positive difference in this world.
I really liked your mom's (this is the same Patti, right?) thoughts. Very wise and inspired. I've found that she's right in my own limited experience. I could go on and on about my opinions about you and how I think you're an exlemplary model of how to always improve yourself, to set good priorities and to be balanced (as much as possible, anyway). In the moments you are wondering if you've ever made a difference, picture my blubbering self sitting on your kitchen table our first year of dental school, our second year, our third year a lot, and our fourth year every other week as I went through my own pre-mid-life crisis! I can't tell you the difference you've made for me, for what that's worth. Maybe you could put on your list of talents: Friends with crazy people...
It is funny that you should think this of yourself, because when ever I talk to my friends about you I say that you are the closest thing to perfect I know in real life! You live by a college right now I am sure they have community ed! Cheap, Cheap, Cheap!! Go for it take something fun. Up hear classes start about the 22nd. They even have some saturday ones.
Carrie,
I am sorry that you have been struggling with the whole "having kids" thing. Will and I have had a very hard time too, as of late! I can get pregnant, I just can't stay that way! We have lost 4 in a row in the last 2 years and two were sons; one at 20 weeks and one at 17 weeks. So, my grand total for miscarriages\stillborns is 6 and I can't believe it sometimes. I, too have been wondering and asking what direction to take: adoption, keep trying, or stop trying altogether. Anyway, my heart aches for you and Dan. I know you will receive answers when you pray; we have received some answers lately, so I know you can\will too. I know our situation is not exactly the same, but I am here for ya if you ever want to talk about it.
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